Shared parenting in order to be healthy and materialize in a real shared custody must have been well designed by both parents who must have had the opportunity to discuss the real problems of separation and have found the best agreement between them in the interest of the children.
A Good Project Shared By Both Parents:
In most of the separations in Italy today we hear about joint custody and we are often led to think that this situation is the result of non-belligerent agreements made with great serenity between exes and useful to foster a healthy two-parent project.
In reality, behind a “consensual” often hides the long negotiations made by professionals to avoid the worst …
This being the case, the ability to think about two-parenthood is often consecrated to mere practical needs aimed at avoiding a “judicial” one. The next phase can easily cause unnecessary suffering for the weaker parent as well as for the children.
Even worse in cases of judicial separation where the dispute reaches high levels of aggression and where the final agreement concerning the rules to be respected is dictated by the judge.
Intelligent Cooperation Between Ex
Parents need to make sure they are on the same page when it comes to education.
It would be important to have common rules or, when these are not, at least make sure that the rules of mum and dad are always very clear in the eyes of their children.
If the educational rules are confirmed by both parents, the results will not be long in coming!
Parents must demonstrate great intelligence and share information.
Ideal, for example, is the use of a shared management platform that allows both of them to access all information relating to the lives of their children.
Talk about school, meetings with teachers, sports activities and friends! your children will thank you!
If you live too far from each other, it will be difficult for your kids to go to school, hang out with their favorite friends or just move around their usual environment. Inevitably, your shared parenting project will fail
Do everything to live close! Ideally, the same neighborhood would be perfect!
Attachment To The Other Parent
The fundamental rule that every separated parent must follow is to encourage encounters and the relationship with the other parent.
Respect your children’s love for their father or mother even if they have been a source of so much suffering for you …
As far as attendance times are concerned, some experts recommend waiting 6 years before embarking on a process of entrustment with 50% shared times even if it is always difficult to generalize as everything depends on the child.
Certainly there is that the child must not be separated from his main attachment figure, father or mother depending on the situation; if very small, the primary attachment figure will usually be the mother.
Be flexible and tuned to the real needs of the children. Adapting to the situation and their requests is synonymous with great balance.
If you are the adults, never forget! Rigidity and resentment ban!
Be available to modulate the calendar at any time looking for the best solution for their well-being with the ex.
Enough Ideological Battles
Custody of a child should never be considered the culmination of an ideological battle. A healthy joint custody provides for the coexistence of a father and a mother but it is not certain that equivalent times always correspond to the true interest of the children!
More and more mothers and fathers are now willing to really get involved, neglecting discussions as much as possible and placing at the center the real interest of the children to have a father and a mother present.